The Housechick Blog

I remember the first time that I saw it.  I was on a long cross-country flight, flipping through the in-flight magazine, and there it was.

The FUNCTIONAL UTILITY BAR.

The FUBAR by Stanley tools, recipient of the Popular Science “Best of What’s New” Award.

I was so excited, I woke up my hubby in the seat beside me to show him the ad in the magazine.  “This,” I said.  “This, I need.” 

Let me explain.  I’m a sucker for a project house.  The most recent one we bought had this huge straw bale wall in the middle of the driveway that needed to come down so we could, you know, like, PARK in the driveway.

You know what happens when you hit a straw bale wall with a sledgehammer?

It cracks the stucco.  And then it mashes into the wall a little, and bounces off when it hits the layer of chicken wire surrounding the straw.  It’s an incredible let-down, I’ll have you know, to take your biggest wind-up swing with a heavy sledge at a big wall, and have it go crunch-mush-bounce.  Taking that wall down required a lot more finesse than I thought it would - and an entire 10 yard dumpster.  You’ve got to crack the plaster and pull away the chicken wire and pry out the rebar and untie things.

And then there were the interior walls.  Some are plaster over drywall, some are tile over concrete over brick.  And some are plaster over a heavy metal mesh, nailed to the studs.  To pull those walls down, you’re chipping and chiseling and hammering and prying and pulling.  There’s some muttering to yourself as well, typically.

I own probably 8-10 hammers, ranging from the petite Do-It-Herself hammer I got as a college freshman, to the cushioned handle “iFix” hammer, to the more serious construction guy hammers.  I even have 2 kinds of sledge hammers, and one gigantic pickaxe (which, BTW, also didn’t work on the straw bale wall, but is useful for digging holes in caliche).  I think I have two crowbars - hold on, mine are called “wonder bars.”

However, I’d give them all up for a single FUBAR.  I am convinced it is the answer to all of my demolition needs.  I’m just waiting for the opportunity to destroy something so that I can go out and buy one.  I’m pretty sure I really really need one.

Today - I find out there’s a FUBAR II, which is a lighter weight version of the original.  Was there ever anything more perfect made?

I’m a little obsessed with it.  I wonder if I could have them engraved and give them out as closing gifts to my clients?  Who wouldn’t want one of those?